WE'RE ALL FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK

Oddly-specific and niche Facebook groups I joined in the name of ‘scientific inquiry’ 

WEN HSIAO

Full disclosure, I barely use Facebook. Besides the routine birthday reminders and the occasional personal brand audits to untag embarrassing photos of myself my father has posted (often with absolutely no context or caption), Facebook is a mere peephole into my past: horrible hair, questionable outfits, regrettable eyebrows choices -- all things I’d much rather not revisit. 

When all of our parents joined Facebook, it felt horribly invasive, like having my kindergarten secret hiding place EXPOSED for the first time. It’s akin to my existential dread of my parents eventually joining Snapchat and trying to keep our streak alive. I know it’s well-reported that Gen Z is using Facebook less, but the platform is far from dead. We are reclaiming Facebook and repurposing its various products to accommodate the dry, ironic humor that defines my generation.

While none of us is absolved from a too-well-documented history, Facebook doesn’t necessarily tether us to endless cycles of cringing retrospection (what do you regret more? *that* haircut or *that* dramatic relationship status change?) In fact, the social media platform even encourages us to participate more actively in the present and plan for our future. We can chronicle late nights out in real-time, check out events in our area, and get a heads up (thank God) that our mother’s birthday is next week . 

After all, at the core of all interactions on Facebook is the people. Listen, Mark Zuckerberg did not ‘steal’ the idea from the Winklevoss twins and ‘backstab’ Eduardo Saverin just for you to not interact with others on Facebook. 

Facebook groups are compelling, productive even;  people get together to solve murders. Even though the Facebook groups I’m in are more PG-13 than that, they all serve the same purpose: to bring people together. From groups that I never bothered to quit (Syracuse University Class of 2022, Pitt Class of 2022, Pace University Class of 2022...) to groups that are too active for their own good (Subtle Asian Traits, Subtle Asian Dating, Subtle Asian Travel, Subtle Asian Networking...you get the point, they’re not subtle *at all*), I’m in a lot of groups that I don’t really care about. At the same time, there are a lot of groups that I didn’t know I *needed* to care about, like this one where everyone pretends to be ants in an ant colony

Below, some suggestions for those who’ve been craving to hear this all their lives: “we’ve found your people.” 

1.  A Group Where You Can Only Say EggI love eggs. Growing up, my mother prevented me from eating eggs because she believed they’d turn me into a criminal (“壞蛋”), an idiot (“雞蛋”) or worse, cause me to get a 0 on my test (“鴨蛋”) As an adult, though, I can eat all the eggs I want. If you ask me what freedom tastes like, it’s probably like an organic egg yolk. 

A Group Where You Can Only Say Egg is exactly what it sounds like. It isn’t a group for sharing egg recipes;  it’s to share egg-sightings, egg-memes, and egg-news. Anything your egg-pressive heart desires. The group only allows words that are of the egg variant, including the egg in other languages. The simplicity of the idea makes the group all the more charming.

Wen’s Unbiased-Biased Rating: ★★★☆☆

 

2. We Pretend It’s 2007-2012 Internet2007 to 2012 was truly a simpler time, when my only problem was surviving as a ‘Directioner’ in a ‘Belieber’ middle school. Back then, we didn’t deal with our problems by subtweeting about people, we dealt with it by changing our profile pictures to black and changing our status to “nobody understands me.” 

We Pretend It’s 2007-2012 Internet is a truly immersive experience. It responds to my nostalgic longing for the guileless humor of an underappreciated era. Scrolling through each post is a trip down memory lane, from the games on Facebook we used to spend hours obsessing over (R.I.P Pet Society) to long-forgotten viral videos like “Harlem Shake” and “Overly Attached Girlfriend”.

Wen’s Unbiased-Biased Rating: ★★★★☆

 

3. A group where we all pretend to be ants in an ant colonyIn case the group name isn’t straightforward enough for you, the group can best be described by its group description: “In this group we are ants. We worship The Queen and do ant stuff”. At times, there are even cameo appearances by other insects such as moths and spiders to the colony to provide aid or threaten the established balance.

The group focuses on both the comedic and scientific side of being an ant. Users contribute to this by partaking in realistic role-playing, talking about how their thorax and gaster have been feeling after a whole day of digging and transporting goods.

Wen’s Unbiased-Biased Rating: ★★★☆☆

 

4.  For me, it is the mcchicken. The best fast food sandwich.Personally, I don’t think the McChicken is the best fast food sandwich. I actually think the McSpicy Chicken wins by a landslide; the flavor and texture of each bite are sublime, and washing it all down with a large Coke Zero is simply unbeatable, but I digress. 

The Facebook group centers around the titular McChicken sandwich, from sharing their personal McChickens to homemade memes about the glories of the McChicken. If you weren’t craving a McChicken before (though who wouldn’t be down for a McChicken literally any time?), you will be now. 

Wen’s Unbiased-Biased Rating: ★★★★★


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